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CAVEAT: High-energy particles
are emerging from this screen at the speed of light.
It is highly probable that some of them may collide with subatomic particles in your Deoxyribonucleic Acid
chains, altering their physical properties and behavior, (energy levels, charge,
spin, etc.), and thus infusing you with the Kongaloid Essence forever. (This may
already have taken place.) Therefore, the actual definition of your cosmic reality phase state
is being systematically and irrevocably altered in proportion to the length of
your visit to this website.
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 Age of Madness
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It never ceases to amaze me that this particularly fallacious piece of sophistry is still taken dead-seriously by most people on Earth. Scratch that. Most (non-kongaloid) humans. The obvious, “no-brainer” answer is, “Why, the egg, of course!” But for some reason, normal humans get all mentally discombobulated about that. Once they recover they attempt to declare their superiority by asking, “Oh yeah! Then who laid the egg, huh?” The obvious, “no-brainer” answer is, “Yo mamma!” But that only seems to upset them even more. (That sort of fine sarcasm is usually wasted on people with ready-access to firearms.) Of course, the proverbial egg was laid by a Gallus sonneratii, a proto-chicken kind of beastie that is “a chicken” only to the uncouth Americans. What emerged from that egg was a chicken and not a G. sonneratii by virtue of genetic adaptations. Hence a new species was born, Gallus domesticus, or simply chicken.
This explanation compresses into several days events which actually took longer to develop,
but is fairly accurate in its representation of the truth, unlike Genesis, which only
"compresses into several days events which actually took longer to develop"—period.
The problem arises from the use of the concept “egg”. While the concept “chicken” is a direct reference to a specific species of creature, the same cannot be said about the egg, which may or may not have been laid by a chicken. Eggs are employed by, (among others), amphibians, reptiles, fish, and even some mammals, as well as birds. Hence the semantic association of egg with chicken implies that the egg in question was indeed a chicken egg. If that were a condition then the issue is indeed unsolvable. Since the “first chicken”, although it did come from and egg, did not come from a “chicken egg”, (Again, this did not happen overnight.), insisting that it was a chicken egg makes the question fallacious, meaningless; and those who pursue it, fools. Anyway, mentally perambulating through the nigh imperceptible process of change it struck me that even something as imposing and durable as a mountain may dissolve into the ocean before a cleverly-worded piece of misinformation is finally dismissed.
It was grand to be back! Nature at its finest! A splendid cacophony of consonant chaos impinged the ears. Air filled with intensely intoxicating aromas of a trillion undefined and indefinable sources. The higher levels of atmospheric oxygen boosting the buzz… I hid the Time Machine in a small indentation at the base of a limestone cliff and set off at once to engage the truth. It wasn’t long before I encountered the many-colored denizens of this pristine epoch who through our common bond informed me that a similar preoccupation engaged the lesser minds of their own time. Only with them it took a form that could be loosely translated as “Which came first, the archaeopteryx or the placental yolk-sac?”
Now, of course, if you, my dear reader, happen to be a time-traveler as well, you are quite aware that pteranodon young are not comely by any stretch of the imagination. But I was told that this particular fledgling was of a most frightful semblance. While all of its siblings wore a smooth leather skin of light brown, this particular hatch was endowed with a coat of the palest and most unseemly wrinkled skin. Disgusted by his sickly appearance, and quite convinced he could not prosper. The pteranodon mom made quick to thrust the defective youth from her ledge. Down he fell into the tangled jungle bellow. The ugly pteranodon looked up from the sod mound on which he landed and saw that returning was hopeless. Terrified and dejected, he lunged forward, guided by instinct, in search of shelter and food. Somehow, he found both, if not well at least sufficient. A few hours in exile had already dried his pelt into a smooth, downy fuzz that warmed his body, if nothing else. Within a day he had made his way to a hollow boulder that would protect him from weather and foes. In the coming days he encountered all manner of adventures and made a few friends. Time passed, and, against all odds, the ugly pteranodon matured and grew. In a few weeks the soft down was replaced by a strange growth of stiff, thick rods that flared into flattened rows of tough hairs. They glistened almost iridescently in vibrant greens, reds, and blues. “You don’t look like no pteranodon I know.”, a friendly young diplodocus had once told him. Which pretty much echoed the sentiments of all his friends as they saw him change with time into a strapping young fowl. It was a little while after that when chance would bring him upon a placid pool to drink. And how great was his surprise to behold his wondrous reflection upon the water! For now in his full-glory it was indeed evident that he was no pteranodon as once and again the many denizens of the wild had told him. What he was they could not say, and neither could he guess—even now that he saw the flamboyant coloration of his magnificent plumage—for he had never seen the like, in all the creatures he has known. “Hello!” said a voice from above. The ugly pteranodon turned his head around and up to behold the intruder and was met with another much like himself, perched on a high branch of a towering conifer, casually preening her plumage with beak and talon. His voice trembled in awe and wonder, he asked, “What are you?” “I am archaeopteryx.” She said, “Like yourself, of course!”
At last I returned, forward to our time, and to tell you of this tale of the Ugly Pteranodon. As you see the faux-dilema was solved long before the humans thought themselves clever for coming up with it. Nor are the tales that spring from such lessons new. Every epoch has had its own wisdom inscribed in the layers of Earth's history. We have but to look in the pages of the life that surrounds us to see the truth. This you will not get from the mouths of men. Now I bid thee farewell. Hoping that you have enjoyed this little romp and hoping also that now at last it is understood why it is so certain, why it cannot be any other way, than that the first to come was indeed, the egg.
Did you enjoy this posting? Consider taking a moment to make a voluntary $1.00 donation to the author. Doing so will greatly encourage him to produce more such works in the future. Thank you!
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TWO-MINUTE WARNING(Copyright©2004, Steven Douglas Huddleston) “HUMANS—ATTENTION!” Mike heard the voice echoing loud and clearly from deep within his head. What struck him to the core of his soul and froze him instantly to the spot was not the voice itself but the odd perception of it. For it came from nowhere and everywhere, and it most certainly rang out, in spite of the fact that it had never passed through his eardrums. The certainty of that origin made him hold his breath and look around at all the strangers who inhabited this particular street, at this particular hour, wondering if he had completely lost his marbles. Everyone was doing the same as he. Everyone was frozen in mid-step and looking around at everyone else. Not only in this place but in every place. On the other side of the world, also, people were sitting-up suddenly in bed, and looking at those with them, or if alone, staring blindly into darkness. The world had come to a sudden and absolute standstill. Children had stopped swinging in playgrounds, lovers had interrupted their passion, workers their labor, and leaders their talk. The entire population of the planet, excepting no one, stood and listened and waited and looked around at those who happened to be nearby. After a pause the voice continued, startling many into screams or moans of assorted kinds, none of which served to drown out the voice, which rumbled on inside twenty-two billion minds, heedless of the terrible anguish it was inflicting. In time everyone quieted down and listened to the voice, as it delivered its message in a halting, pausing monotone, as if groping for the words within the very minds it impinged.. “YOU ARE...BEING...SCANNED...EACH OF YOU IS...EVALUATED FOR...MORAL...WORTHINESS...THIS...PROCESS WILL BE COMPLETED IN A...SHORT WHILE YOU WILL BE INFORMED WHEN THIS PROCESS HAS ENDED BY A SIMPLE TONE LIKE THIS...” Twenty-two billion heads rang internally with a single, precise melodic tone. “WHEN YOU HEAR THAT TONE YOU WILL KNOW THAT THOSE AMONG YOU WITH DISEASED MORALITY WILL CEASE TO EXIST IN EXACTLY...TWO MINUTES...” Fear existed, but everyone was too shocked and dumbfounded to express it, the collective silence of the world was the loudest gasp of horror in the entire history of human civilization. “WE ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH YOUR...DEFINITIONS...FOR...RIGHT AND...WRONG THESE THINGS WE HAVE ALREADY RESOLVED AMONG US SINCE BEFORE...YOUR KIND...HAD DEVELOPED...AN EFFICIENT FORM OF...LANGUAGE...NEITHER ARE WE...CONCERNED WITH YOUR...PRIMITIVE...CONCEPT OF...JUSTICE...WE ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH RIGHT AND WRONG IN ITS PUREST FORM...THAT IS WHAT...COMPELS US TO...INTERFERE AS WE DO WITH YOUR SPECIES...THE PROCESS OF...PURIFICATION WILL BE...HUMANE...AND PAINLESS...THOSE OF YOU...SELECTED FOR...EXTERMINATION WILL HAVE YOUR...MINDS...SHUT-DOWN TO AVOID THE...PERCEPTION OF...DISCOMFORT...YOUR...BODIES WILL THEN BE...INSTANTANEOUSLY...DEHYDRATED...THE...REST OF YOU CAN THEN GO ON WITH EXISTENCE AS YOU SEE FIT...IT IS UNLIKELY THAT WE SHALL EVER MEET AGAIN...” The tone rang again, and the voice did not speak. Everyone stood about and looked at each other for a few seconds, unsure of their own sanity. Mike felt his heart beating inside his chest and found breathing had become an exhausting effort. Some people started running and screaming, others were quickly infected with the rapidly spreading hysteria. Mike stood his ground and waited as did many around him. He thought of looking at his watch and counting the seconds, but realized that some of the time had already elapsed, and there would be no point in it. Many people did look at their watches and clocks and computer screens and many of them actually carried on with their business, dismissing the voice as a ridiculous hallucination. The people of Earth reacted each according to their character. Then the time was up. It did not spread from a single point as a bomb would do, and as far as anyone could tell, it was truly simultaneous. What Mike saw around him was thousands of human beings suddenly freezing in mid stride and turning a sickly white-grey. Their shapes were preserved for an instant so that even their faces were recognizable, but then they crumbled to the floor, into a pile of ash. Their clothes shriveling about their forms and collapsing to the ground in heaps. The bodies that once inhabited the garments no longer substantial enough to support them. In an instant, only Mike and some little girl who had been walking her dog two blocks away from where he was standing remained on the street, surrounded by thousands upon thousands of piles of ash and clothes. A car, venting ashes through an open window, came banging out of an alleyway, crashing against the sides of the buildings and rolling over the sidewalk. It finally collided at about five miles per hour against a garbage dumpster and idled to itself. The noise it made was similar to other noises that sounded from near and far all over the city, all over the Earth. Unattended devices idling down to a final silence. Mike’s hands began to shake with the realization of what had happened. It was beginning to sink in, but his mind could not yet quite grasp the magnitude of the extermination. His knees gave in and he dropped to the sidewalk, unable to believe it, or that he had been spared. He wanted to cry, but he could not bring the tears to his eyes. The smell of human ashes started to fill the air as the wind picked it up and scattered it everywhere. It would not last longer than the next good rainfall, to be washed away and down the sewers, onto the rivers and into the sea. “YOUR WORLD HAS BEEN CLEANSED” “Who ARE you?” Mike shouted suddenly. His voice bounced eerily down the street and against the sides of the empty buildings. The voice did not seem to hear. “MANY CHILDREN ARE NOW WITHOUT...PARENTS...THOSE THAT DID NOT...EXIST LONG ENOUGH TO LEARN THE MORAL DISEASE FROM THEIR...FAMILIES...AND...PEERS...THEY WILL NEED...CARING UNTIL THEY ARE GROWN...YOU WOULD THINK OF THIS...YOURSELVES...BUT FOR THE...SHOCK YOU HAVE...ENDURED...YOU MAY TAKE A WHILE TO...REALIZE IT...AND IT IS NOT...FAIR THAT THEY SHOULD GO...UN-CARED-FOR...UNTIL YOU DO...SEE TO THEM...AND TO YOUR WORLD...IT IS YOURS...NOW...FOR YOU ARE GOOD” The voice was gone. Mike suddenly remembered the little girl he had seen some distance away, and looked up to find her. She was kneeling on the sidewalk in the same spot he had seen her before, hugging her little dog and obviously crying. Slowly, he got back up on very shaky legs, and started walking towards her. A series of ridiculously cheerful tones rang suddenly out across the dead city walls, startling the little girl who quickly looked up at Mike as he approached her. Mike froze in the same instant and took a long while to realize that his cellular phone was ringing at this side. His mind leapt up in startled amazement as he recognized the melody which he had programmed it to ring with for only one caller. His heart pounded mightily as he reached for it and flipped open the device and raised it to his ear to listen to the anguished sobs of a female. He listened to her despair for a long time, unable to speak, dumbfounded by disbelief. Finally, the woman realized the phone had been answered and spoke a single word between sobs and sniffles: “Hello?” Mike answered, dazed: “Karen?” “Oh my God! Mikey! Ohh...honey! Oh my God! Mikchael! Oh Michael I love you! I’m so scared! I’m all alone! Everyone is dead and I thought....I thought....Oh! Oh, Michael, come home, PLEASE, please, PLEASE! Please, please....” “Karen!” He sounded harsher than he wanted to, but he couldn’t stand hearing any more. He took a deep breath and hoped he sounded gentler, “Honey, shhhhh—shhhhhhh! Please, baby, listen to me, I’m ok! I’m ok! You hear me?” “YES! Yes! Yes, oh Mikey! I’m so scared...” “Me too baby, listen, I’m going home as fast as I can, ok?” “Yes! Oh please, Mikey, come home! Come home NOW!” “Yes, yes, honey, I’m going! Don’t worry about a thing, baby, I’ll be there in ten minutes, ok?” He had managed to sooth her somewhat, and she sounded more coherent. Mike turned around and saw the little girl hugging her dog. “Honey, Karen?” “(Sniff) Yeah?” “There is a little girl here on the street and she has no one left. I’m bringing her with me, we will have to take care of her now.” “Of course, honey! What’s her name?” Mike pulled the phone away from his ear and spoke to the little girl. “What’s your name, honey?” The little girl stared at him with sad but grateful eyes, her little dog wagged his tail at Mike. “Cindy,” she said at last, “and this is Cookie.” Mike smiled and spoke to the phone. “She says her name is Cindy, and her little dog is Cookie.” “Come home, baby! Bring them, and any others you might find on the way, of course.” “Of course, or course, honey. Bye-now!” “Bye, baby.” “I love you, sweetheart.” “I love you too.” Mike closed the cellular phone and started to slide it back into its holster, then stopped and thought about it and pulled the holster off his belt and tossed it into a pile of ashes. “Come” he said to the little girl, and offered his hand. The girl got up and took it, pulling her dog by the leash to follow them. “Are you my daddy now?” She asked. “I guess so, and we are going to go with mommy.” “Did God do this?” Mike thought about it for a while, then said to her, “No, Cindy. But they believed they were doing the right thing. We may not like it, but they are probably right.” Cindy walked beside him for a while in contemplative silence, then suddenly offered, with remarkable conviction: “I know they are right.” “Me too.” Mike said, “Me too.” Did you enjoy this posting? Consider taking a moment to make a voluntary $1.00 donation to the author. Doing so will greatly encourage him to produce more such works in the future. Thank you!
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You know, if a particle enters off-center into a
spinning-asymmetrically-generated-hyper-jointed-singularity-pair it may
(or may not) emerge at the other side of the
spinning-asymmetrically-generated-hyper-jointed-singularity-pair at a
point in time prior to the one in which it entered the
spinning-asymmetrically-generated-hyper-jointed-singularity-pair, not to
mention that it's anti-particle may (or may not) have been left behind
at any number of trillions of light-years in distance, then, if you
adjust the spin of the anti-particle, the particle would have to reverse
it's spin by a proportion exactly inverse of the given and corresponding
anti-particle adjustment and simultaneously, but before you actually
adjusted the spin. Sooooo....You could, in essence, not only violate the
laws of causality but also bypass the speed-of-light-limit and generally
mess-up entire eons of weekends for galactic civilizations just about
everywhere in creation. (Or not.) Of course, this all gets blown to hell
if you suddenly decide to scratch your quantum ego instead of adjusting
the particle spin...
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