...and other "tales from the crypt"...

Good bye, old friend!

Well, my friends, here we are once again, the votes have been cast, and counted, the people have spoken; the decision is made. Just as with our brothers up in the United States, the voice of the people has called out a resounding, ENOUGH!

Enough bending of our ears with pernicious lies that serve only to insult, rather than persuade us. Enough stealing of our hard-and-honorably-earned money to finance a life of kingly opulence through capricious and heartless taxation. Enough laughing at our perceived idiocy behind closed doors with the rest of your cronies. Enough spitting in the face of our beloved American brothers to earn PR points with lecherous villains like Chávez, or to weasel a few more votes from the morbidly gullible independentistas.



This election has proven that the people are still well in command of their destiny, the future leaders would do well to heed the lessons here implied. We are a thinking, well-informed body who are selecting you to be the instrument of our will. In essence, you are honored with the role of public servant. Operative word here: “servant”.

Do you get it now, Anibal? We can also laugh at idiocy, but we do it out in the open, dancing in the streets, and without urging any of our buddies to close the door.

But we are not through with you yet, buddy: you still have to show up before The People, once again, early next year, and answer to more than a score of criminal charges. We can hardly wait to hear what clever lies you will try to amuse us with, when that time comes.

But enough of Anibal and his lies! Let’s talk about the truth, and in this case, a very special truth that has been decades in the making, and which only now, based on the results of the last two elections, comes to light in full blossom.

Oh, yes, the truth, at last. How lovely, how grand!

After decades of basking in the glow of a falsely perceived intellectuality, we can now see clearly the true colors of the so-called independentistas. This is the second election in a row, where they have failed to attract enough of a following to even stay within the race. I’m sorry for you guys, but the truth is that, without those numbers, you can no longer claim to represent a legitimate aspiration of The People of Puerto Rico.

You should take a bow, you put up a good fight, but now it is time to face the music.

We The People of Puerto Rico, do not care enough for you and your leftist ideals to even give you the votes to keep your franchise. By any legal definition, you do not represent Us. This is your final, civilized call to leave the arena gracefully, and with dignity, and not try to "pull a Rosello". In other words, it was nice, but now it is over, good bye, go away.


Now, please, good bye, go away.

Speaking of falsehoods, here's another bejeweled "revelation" from the only-true poll of public opinion, (a.k.a. general elections): the "pendejín" vote.

In keeping with the patent, almost boundless contempt that the governor has for the people's intelligence he ordered the faithful horde of core-commonwealth-fanatics to voice themselves as faithful statehooders who will "demand that they be respected" by voting for Rosello as a write-in candidate.

I think that what was being sought here was that the pro-statehood population would be swayed by their perceived "colleagues" to undermine the legitimate Fortuño candidacy by casting their votes elsewhere (Rosello) and therefore actually increasing the chances that (dig this!) those who don't vote for Anibal, actually help elect him again!


In spite of what you may think, Anibal, these elections prove that you are wrong. Of almost one million people who lovingly believe in the principles of the American Constitution, only 20,700-odd were mentally deficient enough to actually believe your idiotic attempt at social engineering.

Accounting for the use of brain-cell-destroying toxins like aspartame, and the incidence of x-ray exposure during early pregnancy, having 20,700-odd mentaly deficient individuals out of every one million is disturbing, from a health-care point of view, but understandable and even insignificant from a political point of view.

These elections have made it clear to everyone, in Puerto Rico, and abroad, who are the sane, and who are the "pendejines".

Oh yeah, just one last thing, Anibal: Numbers do not lie. Election results like these have not been seen in Puerto Rican politics since the fifties. I can't help but point out that this defeat is not only devastating, not only crushing, it is humiliating. It truly reflects the people's displeasure at your contempt, incompetence and pathological lying.

Yes, I know it shows, and I admit it: I have waited a very long time to watch you go down in flames, and I am shamelessly enjoying every minute of it. Burn Suckah!

From the bottom of my heart: Thank you, People of Puerto Rico!